Why are boys such idiots and so self centered?
DISCLAIMER: I don’t usually write blogs of such a personal nature but for some reason I have felt the need to get this off my chest. For my friends and family who know me, and probably the person of whom I will be writing, I am really wearing my heart on my sleave for this one, so please keep the mocking to a minimum 
Please feel free to skip this entry and/or go read some Get Fuzzy. END DISCLAIMER
I have lately been reflecting on my life and relationships and really do realize that I am an idiot. (Said with the best Napoleon Dynamite voice) I seem to have relationships that are just not meant to me. My last one was good, but she was just in a very different place than I was / am and needed to take care of other things first, that is fine and healthy, but not the best for me! The one previous was just never supposed to be as we were so different and it would have been very hard to make that work, ended poorly, and her version of reality is hard to understand. So be it, I can learn from it and move on. But now, here is the odd part, why is it I start to “have a thing for” (whatever that means) someone who is not even available? What is wrong with my brain that sees it fit to want to start someone who is perfectly happy with another person and why am I so selfish to actually want it to fail? That is such a horrible thing to want (that I would never REALLY want, but it IS something that keeps creeping into my mind) that I should NEVER wish on a good friend who is very happy.
I have always enjoyed Marcie’s company and we have always gotten along really well. I have always found her attractive but for whatever reason, I have been with others (hummm, see at this point I should be thinking “maybe that is because she has never been interested!”). I hadn’t seen her in a long time until a friend’s wedding, it was really good to see her and we both suggested (I think) that she come up and visit me in Vancouver. Well she did and it was such a wonderful weekend (that I have some pictures from that I still need to post) and I came to realize more and more that she is exactly what I have been looking for (I know it seems that people always think that when they want to date someone…). I saw her again this past weekend when she went shopping with me for supplies for a weekend get away with some friends (more pictures again) and it really seems to me that we just “click”… but of course she may see it a completely different way and she has a boyfriend.
As I reflect over the weekend so many stupid-ass questions keep popping into my brain that I should not even be asking: would she date me? what if her relationship doesn’t last? how long should I wait to even think about anything? should I be dating after it only being about three months since my last relationship ended? am I “over” Khristine? what would dating Marcie be like? All of these questions in this context are completely stupid and selfish and I continue to ask for forgiveness for thinking them. I should be praying for her and her boyfriend that they would be growing in God and seeking to glorify Him in their relationship. I guess I would ask that you, whoever you may be, to pray for me and give me discrenment and wisdom to know how to handle this. Most likely that will just look like letting time take its course. Pray that I will be as selfless as God has called me to be and as I know I can be.
I feel like such a middle schooler for writing this entry, it really is just so I can get it out there for me, but others’ wisdom is always appreciated if it is out there to be had. I write this because I don’t think Marcie has been to my blog, if I am incorrect and she is reading this, well I guess all I can say is “welcome” and “I apologize”. I really do want the best for her and this is why I am struggling with my thoughts, they are contrary to what I know I should be thinking. So as the title offers: why am I such an idiot and so self centered??
Shalom
came across your blog somehow - lots of googling..! -
youre NOT the only one feeling like this, im sure there are others out there in your boat.. if she’HAS got a bf then i think its best you leave well alone. IF she does like you in that way then she wouldnt be with her boyfriend?
i dont think you choose the wrong people - i think you just hav this specific type in your head and subconsciouly whenever you get with someone, you want them to be that type and when they’re not - it just goes wrong..
take a step back and just be friends with her.. if youre meant to be then it will happen..
I agree entirely with BamBam. I think that you should maybe try to be friends with her for awhile. and maybe get to know abou ther relationship with her boyfriend for a change. and maybe you would learn to be friends with both Marcie and her boyfriend. if you feel serious about Marcie, maybe you should confront her. to not put her on the spot, give her a way out. maybe tell her that it is alright if she doesn’t feel the same. and if you don’t agree with any of this, go with what you think is the best. and since you seem confused, i suggest you go ask God yourself by praying more. because asking for advice from others could cause more serious damage. maybe you should wait a while and see what happens and maybe do the above
You know how you were saying it wasn’t the right time, different things were happening that didn’t allow your previous relationship to go on? Well, maybe this is one of her times. She may very well like you, and if you really do feel something with her- those probably aren’t one sided. Wait, maybe this just isn’t the time for your two. If it’s meant to happen, it will, believe me. This sounds so naive and unlikely. But pure serendipity created my relationhip, I had the same thing happening with you. We always kind of had a thing for each other but were either in relationships or in a bad spot. Two years passed and we bumped into each other randomly in a different state, we hit it off again, this time with passion. However we were in different places in life and couldn’t do anything. Another two years passed and we randomly ran into each other again on Valentines day, again in a different state. And then we have been together, for well the past year and a half and seem to have a great future still. So although right now may not be good, there’s always a chance.
I appreciate all the wisdom and words from you all. Timing is everything. I am still not much for taking advantage of situations. I’ll figure something out some day.
One thing to note is that this situation isn’t actually a big deal any more as it was back in over 4 years ago. Still sound advice though.